Things I Don’t Understand About Girls

I am a girl… at least I was last time I checked (this morning). Nevertheless, as a girl there are still several things I do not understand about our gender in terms of how we live, think, breathe, dream and about pretty much everything damn thing we do.

As we have discovered, I am a girl. However, I don’t seem to get on with girls too well. I can do the polite chit-chat, but after a week of knowing a new girl I usually discover something about them that really pisses me off. It’s usually something bitchy and superficial and for this reason, most of my friends are guys. Guys are just easier to understand (usually).

One things girls do that I will never understand is bitch about a girl they’re ‘friends with’ behind their back. If you’re friends, why you bitching? If it’s just that they pissed you off then why the hell are you not talking to them about it instead of me? Because honestly, I couldn’t care less about what she said about your boyfriend you slut.

Why do we shop together? I don’t know about other girls, but if I want to go hard core clothes shopping the last thing I want is a line of bitches trying to tell me what I can and can’t wear. I’ve been dressing myself for how many years now? Are you necessary? If I wanted someone’s opinion I’d take a guy because they won’t pay attention and if they do then you know it looks good.

Why do we put kisses on texts? I wouldn’t kiss you in real life, don’t force it. You probably have some mouth disease from all the dicks you’ve been sucking.

Why do you share with the group when you’ve done something you’re ashamed of? You know that won’t help you? I don’t associate myself with sluts like you.

What is girl talk? What is the need for it? I just, I don’t understand. I don’t want to know when your last period was or how badly you need a wax. Please… keep the finer things in life to yourself! Advice and opinion is sometimes needed, but if it’s not you have no business in updating me with your bodily functions/needs.

“I saw him first” Are you aware that the male you’re preying on probably has his own preference?

Why do we wear heels? I know they look good, but they’re fucking uncomfortable and half the time I see girls walking around taller than guys. Is that attractive? No and neither are your toes, so get some real shoes on.

Why do you cover your face in make-up when everyone you’re seeing knows what you really look like? I’m not talking like the odd bit of mascara and lip gloss, I’m talking about that face paste you call foundation? ALLOW IT, you look like an oompa loompa.

GET YOUR TITS OFF MY INSTAGRAM. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets! About you want a nice, respectful man. I’m reading your signals and they’re asking for a slap. It’s not cleavage if I can pretty much see a whole boob falling out of your unbuttoned top. A whole boob! *sighs*

10384 pictures with your man? Enjoy the moments with him instead of attempting to perfect your duck pout maybe? (Is it even possible to perfect a duck pout?) Real life PDA is bad enough, but a picture of you two kissing? Let me just break your phone please. Social Media PDA is the worst.

You want a badman and then complain when he doesn’t treat you right? Keep watch of the kind of people you attract. Then you go around friend-zoning every guy that’d treat you right. Eurgh.

Girls that jump on trends they know nothing about. Be gone, please just be gone.

Dieting- It’s more hassle to stop yourself eating chocolate than it is to just get up and exercise.

I don’t understand, but I can tell it’s bullshit.

*Goes back to chilling with the mandem*